Almost a whole decade. I find it strange that I never thought to do something for you on this day. I think of you, I think of the things I made for you, had wanted to do for you, and with you. I wonder if I’m doing bad in your eyes, even though you had never thought so before. I still feel bad you know. That someone with such life, amazing dreams, and unconditional love had to leave. I’m nothing like that. There isn’t even anything I want anymore. I’m just living now, being forced to care about so much when I just can’t wait to go to sleep.  I can’t  even remember much of the past. All the bad conversations, you protecting me like a mother bear, the almost openess we shared. I do miss you, even though I tell myself I don’t. I am upset that we hardly have any pictures together, that I never really got to learn about you from you. I’ve heard many stories about you after your death, I wish I knew your version of it though. As I scrolled down my Facebook feed and saw old pictures of people with their mother’s, I can only remember us having three pics together. Sixteen years with the person that carried me and we only have three pictures together. You almost listened to me when I said to write a will, we almost got close, you almost fell in love again. I’m almost ready to become a person again. I love you.