Category: creative writing

The Last Christmas

We come to a scene in Long Island, NY. A big red house on a small side road of the only highway in or out of the hamptons. A single mother and a teenager from a class you don’t hear much about in this area. The holidays are all about traditions, this small family was surely different. The daughter, Aminah, had no wants other than to live comfortably. Something she knew was overly ambitious. The mother, Denise, was a dreamer who brought her daughter into the world in hopes to change it. With their family of two the tradition of Christmas was simple. Start shopping two weeks before and buy the tree two days before. Nothing else would be done until the twenty-third, starting with finally putting the lights and bulbs on the tree. Then all day Christmas eve the two of them will work until two or three am wrapping all the presents, putting the finishing touches on the tree, and baking at least five dozen cookies for aunts and uncles.

That was their tradition for the past decade, a smooth dance the two of them completed each year. This one would be diffrent though, and the last one the two of them would spend together. Aminah knew this despite her mother trying her best to console her. The whole year Denise had been in and out of the hospital. This was the first month they had been in their own apartment, and together, since March. Aminah had heard whisperings of Denise denying a gift of a kidney from a classmates family memeber. It seemed each day her mother grew sicker, and her biggest fears were coming true. The clock struck ten, and Denise called Aminah into her room.

“I’ll get up in an hour and we can start setting everything up.” Aminah looked at her mother, pale, slightly out of breath because she had missed dialysis for a few days. “It’s fine, mom. I can do it. Just rest and I’ll see you in the morning.”

She tested the different sets of lights, putting up her favorite bulbs and mixing them with the ones they had bought the other day. Tinsel all around the tree, while she chuckled thining about he cute elves from Santa Clause breaking everyone out with it. Lastly, she wrapped her mom’s presents, there would be no cookies this year. She finished everything around five in the morning, checked on her mom before finally going to bed.

Waking up four hours later, Aminah went to her mom’s room for them to open their presents. Denise began to cry as soon as she entered the living room. “You did such a great job, Aminah! The most beautiful tree we’ve had, for sure.” As always, to her surprise, there were about ten extra presents under the tree with her name on it. Aminah still doesn’t know how her mom was able to hide her presents; they would just appear under the tree. When did her mom do it? It had looked like she hadn’t moved since the morning. Most people then watch the parades or Christmas movies, but Aminah was never a fan of these things. So the two of them tuned into the radio and switched from the Oldies station, Delilah, and BLI. Music should never stay in one decade when being listened to.

Aminah started brunch, her signature dish, scrambled eggs with cheese and pancakes. The two sat singing songs, eating, and not talking about the elephant in the room. A beautiful memory, indeed.

Prayers

Sleep, work, break to eat, work, home, eat, and sleep again

Same thing different day

When you were a kid you were the only one who didn’t want to grow up

You were the only one that seemed to understand the truth

Nothing gets better, you can buy things to mask, but don’t get addicted

You prayed

Not having to make choices

Nothing no longer being unfair

No longer fearing letting them all down

You prayed

You understood that there was probably a plan

A plan that you didn’t know

A plan you should follow, it was neither right or wrong

You prayed to no longer be apart of that plan

You prayed for eternal sleep

Yet, here you are twelve years later with nothing on your feet

Your life in a cardboard box

People giving you looks

Pity, shame, hatred and

You pray no one else will fall to this

My Place

Wiping the tears

Rubbing backs

Cooking while singing

Binge watching

Loving the way they wake up

Listening to complaints

First time in a month

First time in months

Unanswered texts

Cute pics on SM

Alone

Stories unfold

Without me

Horrors

She told me not to worry
Like she always did
Now she doesn’t answer my messages
Like those seven years before

She called one late night
As if time didn’t past I ran
Queens to Brooklyn
Leave him I said

High school reunion coming up
Neurotic nights
Too high and burdened with responsibilities
She wanted me to run to her again

I didn’t
She told me about him again
Marriage on the horizon
House sitting on a secluded island

She’s not answering my messages
She’s not answering my texts
A bad feeling sets in my stomach and heart
She’s online so she has to be ok

If he didn’t murder her and leave her phone on
She had already cut me off
Leaving me on read
Like always

Horror stories playing out in my head

Words and Phases

I have begun to realize that words are useless

There isn’t one great reason just many decent ones

People don’t listen so words fall

People don’t speak well so words are misunderstood

People are scared so words aren’t formed

The ability to scare yourself silent

That is the tragedy of being human

 

In the same breath they can bring peace

Hope, salvation, all of the positivity

All coming down to a point of view

All coming down to reading between the lines

Communication isn’t just words

It’s movement and extra sounds

A tragedy that we can’t always trust the five senses

 

Life and feelings are phases of change

One phase not looking like the other

A person’s phases and words never matching

A different stage a different meaning

Everyone’s interpretation silent

Senses and fears

We are human just words and phases

Night Walks

Insomnia

Something I’ve had since young

Winter night walks

Something that unravels my chest

Crisp air that reminds me that I am alive

Blackness and cold that I wrap around myself

Nothing is more beautiful than nature untouched

I alone walking in the weightless dark

It is possible to think of nothing

It is possible to feel like nothing

Both not actually being a bad thing

Surrounded by such grandeur

How do I actually compare?

Sunrise, Soon rise

At exactly 7:48 am the sun peaked behind the apartment buildings. She blew on her mug squinting as it peaked. “This is what I pay for” she thought. She had been up all night, worried. Worried that all her fears had come true since she was a child but one. Well, the one was a fear and a wish. Even as a child she knew that she was useless, she had potential, she knew that. However, she wasn’t a person that knew how to use it. So many people struggling out there could have done so much with this life. It is wasted on her, but just look at this sunrise.

Today was the day she would start therapy and probably be prescribed medication. Hoping to give herself the fight she needed. Cause suicide wasn’t an option, she could never handle pain. No matter how many times she pictured and planned, she’d Google it and click the first link. It talked about what jumping off of a bridge does to a body. It shook her to her core that it is possible to attempt to die and be stuck here with no ability to move. Looking it up was a way to make her stay vigilant, if it can hurt others it cannot be a plan. 

The mom  figure of a therapist let her in her office. It seemed kinda shady as it was in a basement of an old apartment building. There were plenty of doctor’s offices down there, all seemingly lost in time. The lady asked her to tell her about herself, a question she always hated. Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, the therapist says she will write a prescription for lexapro. She’s heard of it but the whole session felt rushed and unhelpful. She would end up being right, trying to reconnect with the therapist made her feel like she imagined her visit. Would she only ever be ghosted by people?

Once again 7:48 AM she watched the sun slowly rise behind the apartment buildings in the distance. She wondered when that will be her. A blazing force slowly rising to bring good and bad things to the people of earth. Just think how often it is for people to rise so bright that they assume it’s only light and warmth shared. Do you think that is what parents always hope for their child’s future? She knows that one day that will be her. A sun, a phoenix, an important figure with a caring touch. Soon she’ll be just like the sun she admires.

The Hollow

Pretty lines of music

Tug on them to find more

Down the rabbit hole

Where less is more

Dirty deeds and massacres

The lines turn red

The black parade is coming

Remember that Death is your friend