All I could see was red. Which, I guess, is better than only seeing black, white, and some grays. I should get out of this tub before it goes too far. I gasp for air coming out of the water. I step out onto the cold white tile and allow the red to drip. I slowly walk to the towel cabinet, wrap one around my body, wrap a small one on my upper arm. It wasn’t deep enough; I wasn’t in there long enough. So, I am alive, and I take a deep breath. I bandage up my arm, get dressed, and walked out my door.
“Elizabeth!! Hey! Where have you been? Everyone was looking for you after the party.”
“Hey, Mike! Oh yea, sorry, I needed some sleep. I was home the whole time. I had dropped my cell in the tub so that no one could reach me. Tell everyone I’m good, alright.”
He sighs. “Ok, Liz. Are you going to work? I’ll come to pick you up afterward, ok?” He runs in front of me to look me in the eye when he says this. Does he only see red too?
“Yeah. Ok, I get off at midnight, maybe a little later. Are you sure that’s not too late?” Although people are annoying, it feels right to be around someone right now. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to have these people in my life. I should enjoy it while it lasts.
His face lights up. “It’s never too late. Both of us are some kind of a weird insomniac. I’ll see you later, chin up.”
No matter how lost and useless I feel, helping customers, interacting with people will always make me feel better. I don’t know why that is. Is it because I don’t have to think about me, where my life is going or how I’m not good at anything. Time goes too quickly when you are enjoying yourself. I joke with all the customers, I joke with all my managers; and I kid myself out the door into the winter night air. It’s that fresh taste. You know, the firsts of winter, it’s about 28 degrees, not much wind but enough to make your cheeks and nose hate you. I think about walking home instead of having Mike drive me. It’s so lovely out. Maybe I can convince him to walk. I don’t want to be completely alone right now. I feel something pull at my waist and yelp.
“You actually got out on time tonight. It’s a miracle!” Mike pulls me in close from behind. I know this is an action of a boyfriend, but he isn’t mine. He’s been with his current girlfriend for two years. She’s adorable. Mike has just been a close friend since the start of elementary school. I’ve been waiting for the day he’s going to leave me. Cause everyone leaves someday.
“I KNOW!!! Today was a good day too. It was slow; no one was in a bad mood. I also got wine as a tip!”
“Alright! Let’s get tipsy and toasty. I’ll cook late-late dinner.”
“Sounds beyond perfect. Let’s watch a random lesbian movie on Netflix. You know, one of the weird ones that make you question how long and in-depth sex should be.”
“Great. I’ll cook pasta then. Slurping needs to be in effect for these kinds of movies.”
We are laughing on the couch two bottles later, remembering what’s happened in our small town. Movie over and one of the actresses resembling the first girl I ever liked, we started talking about our community’s deaths and births. The heroin epidemic and people popping out babies left, and right has left us the weird ones out. Then it happened. So much wine goes right to the bladder. I forgot I never cleaned the tub out when I heard him yell.
“Elizabeth!! There’s this huge red stain in the bathtub!!! It’s the whole bottom of it! What happened,” I need to make up an excuse, anything to make sure he never knows.
“Oh. That old stain? You don’t remember it was from that time I dyed my shirts red. You know it’s my favorite color. Guess we haven’t hung out in my apartment in a while. We usually go to yours.”
“I think I would have remembered that.” He studies my face as if to catch the lie. “Oh, wait, I do remember. You had told me, though, that it would only last a few weeks. It’s been a whole half a year. I think you need some bleach.”
I smile at him. Relieved that he believed my lie. “Oh no, it’s fine. A stain never hurt anybody. It’s probably because I waited until the next day to clean it out. It’ll never come out now.” I wonder if I had succeeded today if he’d see that stain in every bathtub. Suppose I would be the biggest stain on his heart. A living breathing stain.
