Wiping the tears
Rubbing backs
Cooking while singing
Binge watching
Loving the way they wake up
Listening to complaints
First time in a month
First time in months
Unanswered texts
Cute pics on SM
Alone
Stories unfold
Without me
Cocoon Cracked
I am curious but get overwhelmed easily. There is so much to read, learn ,and do. I want to learn so much and it has caused me to become passionate about finding a place where I can do it freely and unpaced.
I need to build a community where we understand that time is a construct and we all live forever, even when no one remembers you.
Horrors
She told me not to worry
Like she always did
Now she doesn’t answer my messages
Like those seven years before
She called one late night
As if time didn’t past I ran
Queens to Brooklyn
Leave him I said
High school reunion coming up
Neurotic nights
Too high and burdened with responsibilities
She wanted me to run to her again
I didn’t
She told me about him again
Marriage on the horizon
House sitting on a secluded island
She’s not answering my messages
She’s not answering my texts
A bad feeling sets in my stomach and heart
She’s online so she has to be ok
If he didn’t murder her and leave her phone on
She had already cut me off
Leaving me on read
Like always
Horror stories playing out in my head
Words and Phases
I have begun to realize that words are useless
There isn’t one great reason just many decent ones
People don’t listen so words fall
People don’t speak well so words are misunderstood
People are scared so words aren’t formed
The ability to scare yourself silent
That is the tragedy of being human
In the same breath they can bring peace
Hope, salvation, all of the positivity
All coming down to a point of view
All coming down to reading between the lines
Communication isn’t just words
It’s movement and extra sounds
A tragedy that we can’t always trust the five senses
Life and feelings are phases of change
One phase not looking like the other
A person’s phases and words never matching
A different stage a different meaning
Everyone’s interpretation silent
Senses and fears
We are human just words and phases
Night Walks
Insomnia
Something I’ve had since young
Winter night walks
Something that unravels my chest
Crisp air that reminds me that I am alive
Blackness and cold that I wrap around myself
Nothing is more beautiful than nature untouched
I alone walking in the weightless dark
It is possible to think of nothing
It is possible to feel like nothing
Both not actually being a bad thing
Surrounded by such grandeur
How do I actually compare?
Sunrise, Soon rise
At exactly 7:48 am the sun peaked behind the apartment buildings. She blew on her mug squinting as it peaked. “This is what I pay for” she thought. She had been up all night, worried. Worried that all her fears had come true since she was a child but one. Well, the one was a fear and a wish. Even as a child she knew that she was useless, she had potential, she knew that. However, she wasn’t a person that knew how to use it. So many people struggling out there could have done so much with this life. It is wasted on her, but just look at this sunrise.
Today was the day she would start therapy and probably be prescribed medication. Hoping to give herself the fight she needed. Cause suicide wasn’t an option, she could never handle pain. No matter how many times she pictured and planned, she’d Google it and click the first link. It talked about what jumping off of a bridge does to a body. It shook her to her core that it is possible to attempt to die and be stuck here with no ability to move. Looking it up was a way to make her stay vigilant, if it can hurt others it cannot be a plan.
The mom figure of a therapist let her in her office. It seemed kinda shady as it was in a basement of an old apartment building. There were plenty of doctor’s offices down there, all seemingly lost in time. The lady asked her to tell her about herself, a question she always hated. Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, the therapist says she will write a prescription for lexapro. She’s heard of it but the whole session felt rushed and unhelpful. She would end up being right, trying to reconnect with the therapist made her feel like she imagined her visit. Would she only ever be ghosted by people?
Once again 7:48 AM she watched the sun slowly rise behind the apartment buildings in the distance. She wondered when that will be her. A blazing force slowly rising to bring good and bad things to the people of earth. Just think how often it is for people to rise so bright that they assume it’s only light and warmth shared. Do you think that is what parents always hope for their child’s future? She knows that one day that will be her. A sun, a phoenix, an important figure with a caring touch. Soon she’ll be just like the sun she admires.
The Hollow
Pretty lines of music
Tug on them to find more
Down the rabbit hole
Where less is more
Dirty deeds and massacres
The lines turn red
The black parade is coming
Remember that Death is your friend
First Lie
The first lie I ever learned was a word Just four letters that everyone strived for You say it to your parents, you say it to your friends When in reality it’s just a means to an end Learning about the person Objectifying who … Continue reading First Lie
My Place
Wiping the tears Rubbing backs Cooking while singing Binge watching Loving the way they wake up Listening to complaints First time in a month First time in months Unanswered texts Cute pics on SM Alone Stories unfold Without me Standing here My choice In my … Continue reading My Place
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