Empty Heart

There’s nothing when I look at you

My heart doesn’t flutter or  skip a beat

You aren’t always on my mind

I don’t only think of you and me

Although, I wish I did

I wish my life was like the movies sometimes

That I can fall in love quickly

Skip through the rain just enjoying existence

That money wasn’t a thing

Danger was something to laugh at

All the great things of movies

Truth is all I have is fear

The inability to understand people

Getting too close means you’ll be lost

Emotions clouding your judgement

Jealousy of other importants

Feeling even more worthless

Worrying that you’re a nuisance

Which is why I run

Friends are the closest relationships

There is no love here

No magic land of fluttering hearts

No soulmate understanding thoughts

No one inside the empty heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extraction

They always smell sterile don’t they? Dentist offices. She wonders why people are afraid of this place. Most people wouldn’t even come to this one. Hidden, underground, and with no windows. She isn’t scared, even though, she’s going to remove all four of her wisdom teeth. There’s a new dental assistant today, pretty handsome; another distraction to take away the pain perhaps? Sally, the receptionist, is telling her back information on the dentist, on how much he loves extractions. Knowing actually starts to make her nervous. Her overactive imagination kicks in and she pictures this man itching to pull anything. Finished with her procedure she smiles into the mirror and sees a toothless grin. She shudders at the thought.

There’s whistling coming down the stairs and footsteps that sounded like a bigger person made them. A man who looks like the Spanish version of Santa Claus walks into the dental office.

“Today is a glorious day!!” He said with jolly “Are you ready for today? Let’s get started!”
She looks at Sally as the man goes behind the door to set up.
“Don’t worry.” Sally said, “He’s really good. Everyone comments they don’t feel a thing.”

Sitting in the chair the new assistant puts on classical music. A big change from the normal random TV shows they play. She makes small talk and notices a wedding ring. Too bad, she was going to get his number for this girl who has a thing for Russian men. The dentist came in with six needles filled with Novocain.  He fills her up effortlessly; one needle for each corner, one for the roof of her mouth, and the last one for her bottom gums.

He takes off his mask to smile at her “There is no need to worry sweetheart. I have a friend with me today. You probably know him . . .” She blinks at him as the suction continues in the silence. “Jesus. He is with me and he is my best friend. Everything will be fine.”  She remembers that this dentist is also a pastor; God gave him two callings.

She tenses up as she feels him pulling at her tooth, she’s too doped up to feel pain but can still feel movement. Each tooth comes out with no problems; the assistant and Santa dentist make small talk. Teaching the assistant of the basics of extraction he tells the assistant that he likes to do it the natural way. Santa dentist says it’s the best way to get a clean pull and is less dangerous for the patient. All that she knows is that she may need to take a nap; the last tooth is taking longer than the others. Is this the reason why Frank Ocean made that song? She thought before everything went black.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vines

Four windows and twenty tabs

Drowning in green quicksand

Not understanding how to map

Unsure if she really can

 

Writing and hating how it sounds

Compliments that aren’t profound

Makes you question the bow

Wondering if people feel different now

 

How disappointed they will be

Debt up to her ears

No one to hear

Her swinging from a vine

A Conversation

My husband and I walked home from the movie theater

He wanted to talk about all the things we were going to do together

In the future

 

He wanted to talk about us and Thailand

He wanted to talk about the gay and lesbian clubs

Us becoming one

 

All the great adventures

And all I could do was stay silent

 

And she said

Are they things you want to do?

Are they the things you feel passionate about?

 

Asking all the right questions, I replied

 

They are things that I once thought of doing

They are things that I should want to do

My fear overcomes all adventure that life sometimes gives one

 

He thinks I negative because I have no goal

Dreamless, but I cannot be either of these

Neither negative or positive only always revolving

 

What do I want next?

What should be my next move?

How do I force myself to change in the way I need?

 

She answers

 

I think your next move should be figuring out what you want.

I wish all of us could take like six months to do something interesting

Nothing but daydream and explore and figure out our goals

 

But I don’t even understand how to try

Plus, how will I know if I found it?

 

It’s all so scary and hard . . . .

 

Swinging In The Dark

It’s unsettling

The night calms yet brings dreams

Nightmares

She never did change

Was it for the people who wrote in her yearbook?

Was it for herself?

She sits in the dark staring at walls

She doesn’t know how to do this

There are no red marks on her arms

A sure sign she’s getting better

Nightmares

She pushed friends away and died

They won’t miss her anyway

She made sure of it

She’s too curious to leave them alone

Internet addiction

Social Media worship

Nightmares

Even when home she wants to be there

Home

Where is it?

She likes the feel of night

Never scared of walking alone in it

Darkness is different

She always runs away from it

Swings are perfection

The only thing that will truly make her happy

Swinging in the dark

 

 

Route 66

I hate this neighborhood. There are only ten houses and only three kids out of the whole street. This includes me, the only girl out of the three kids who live on Hampton Street. Since the boys are always gone somewhere I am stuck again. Stuck to use my imagination to pretend I’m actually having as much fun as they are probably having.

Today is Barbie’s birthday and she wants to take Kristina out for a ride in her new pink convertible. They’re driving down Route 66 listening to their owner’s favorite song, “California”.

 

“We’ve been on the run, driving in the sun looking out for number one. California here we come right back where we started from . . . “

 

The winds began to quicken and the clouds set in with thunderous rainfall. Suddenly, the pink car hydroplaned into a ditch sinking deep into a muddy lake. They yelled for help when a landslide enveloped them into a mud cocoon. Lucky for them this created an air bubble that could provide them with enough oxygen to survive for years.

I was having fun filling the mud puddle up with water in my mini lake of a driveway. However, my mother called me inside for dinner. I left Barbie and Kristina to fend for themselves. They had plenty of food in the car since they had no idea how long their trip was going to be, they just wanted to keep driving. I left them in that air bubble for two years, just as Kristina and Barbie were deciding if they should start eating each other. The food had just run out they had no idea how long they were encased in this murky coffin, but they knew they wanted out.

Then the trumpets started playing, they knew they were about to see God as a light came from above. I had finally decided to take them out of their muddy coffin. I carefully washed them and put them back on the road. Hoping never to return to the unpredictable Route 66.

 

Bridges & Stars

She dries her tears with her arm and looks out into the infamous candle light sky. Her last cigarette in the pack, last of her world gets flicked, dying in the night. She stands up “Here it goes, Goodbye.” She says to the world jumping off her favorite bridge into the sea.

Surprise

I can’t shake the negatives

Normally they hold great pictures

Sarcastically

All it’s doing now is crashing my hopes

I’m upset right now

Someone can either just kill me

Just come out from behind the camera

Tell me this isn’t my life . . .

Shiny

Any manga readers out there? How about Yaoi? (Don’t judge me)

My favorite Yaoi is called Gravitation after watching the OVA I kind of became obsessed with one of the scenes. Where the main character’s favorite Rock artist tells him that he has to find his shiny. I don’t know why but till this day it makes me chuckle.

Tell me what you think!! 🙂

My lip is a book shining in my pants

Swollen with the love we once shared

Glowing from the cherry flavored lip gloss

Shining Shiny, Shiny Love Is . . .

 

Your lip is a friend closing a great hug

Something cold on my lip, but what?

Slithering tickling infusing our love

Shining Shiny, Shiny Love Is. . .

 

Lips are interesting sometimes soft sometimes mean

Your lips were my first ones. Nice. Soft.

Love undid and unruly lost in love

Shining Shiny, Shiny Love Is . . .

 

I don’t understand why you’re mad at me

My cheek burns eyes water from the pain

Your lips aren’t nice no more, where are you?

Shining Shiny, Shiny Love Is . . . .

 

My lip is a book shining in my pants

Swollen of cold frozen sugar

Glowing from the light of television

Shining Shiny, Shiny Love is lost

Coined

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! Hope your New Year’s was as great as you had hoped it would be.

For this exercise, we had the first 15 mins of class to make up a poem that could fit as many words possible on this list. The professor liked how I started mine.

What do you think? Can you do better? Write it in the comments 🙂

Grace Obedient Counterchange
Fall Mirage Rook
Taken Rake Hick
Tamarack Second Restrain
Hibiscus Dagger Deign
Charge Slither Taste
Stumble Veil Coin
Hound Cowed Restless
Visible Viridian Bend
Throat Counsel Earlobe

I. Have. Stumbled.

Fallen is more like it

You have taken my heart

Caught like a pheasant at the throat by a hound

 

I couldn’t show restraint

I slithered my way into yours

Took charge of this mirage of love

 

Restlessly raked my way through the hicks

Who savagely hurt you

The king has captured the rook

 

Coining an obedient lover

A veil was placed upon your head

Our grace was soon fought after

 

A second taste of life together

We deign at any others love

They couldn’t be any stronger