What Did I Lose?

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He said the revolution would be quiet

inkbiotic's avatarinkbiotic

Like most days, Sal woke up shouting,

“What did I lose?” and looked around, his neck contorted as the muscles screeched. Everything was still the same: a pile of his clothes on the floor (they looked randomly thrown, but he’d know if they changed); a line of bottles behind the door; an old desk top computer gathering dust, but with a small circle cleaned on the monitor. He checked all of it. Then he then busied himself to making coffee, raising the mug to a corner of the wall in silent greeting, he knew they were watching.

Sal worked at the local garage. He had few friends, he did nothing spectacular. He gave the appearance of a quiet friendless man and he let them think they had broken him. He woke each morning shouting, but he no longer fretted over what he had lost. The fire when he was eight…

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Stolen Firsts Pt. 2

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Fighting with the door, I stumbled into my dad’s apartment. Wiping my lips before walking in; the bottom half of my face still feeling wet. I didn’t go to that random guy’s apartment, John he said his name was. I did get his number, saying that I would call him and maybe take him up on his offer. I hugged my dad, told him about my crazy night at work, and my crazy drunken after work party with my bestie. Forgetting all about what had happened a block away from his apartment.

Summer turned into fall and the what if questions began to creep in.  What if I had gone with him, What if I had called him the next day? Would I have turned into a manhunt case? With the curiosity building and my libido bubbling over I gave him a call.

“Hello?” He answered with his thick Italian accent. It made me wonder how long he has been here.

“Hey! Um, is this John? I don’t know if you remember me but I met you in Harlem.  My name is Upenda?”

“Oh yes! I remember you, the beautiful girl I saw when I was getting off of work a few months ago. It has been so long! Why did you not call me, you didn’t like me?”

“No. Just busy, you know. You work around where I was that night? Where do you work?”

“I’m a personal trainer at Planet Fitness. If you ever need help getting in shape I can help you. However, I wouldn’t want you to lose your body. I love my women bigger.”

I sighed internally. Will this be a fetish thing? Not that I wasn’t alright with it. I just didn’t know what kind it would turn into.

I knew when he said “Baby, let me take you out to eat and shopping. I bet my baby would like that, right? Daddy loves to see his baby happy.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

How’d you like it? I know my grammar and sentence structure is terrible. Please leave comments and feedback!!

Adulthood

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It kind of feels like you’re still five years old and you get thrown into a fire pit

No warning that there is such a thing that could hurt so much

No rules on how to get out of it

Just burning

While in this fire you will meet other people who are on fire

Their fire seems less hot and easier to deal with

You try to learn their ways only to have it backfire

You wonder why no one taught you any of this

What was all that education for?

What were parents, teachers, and professors for?

They stand there soaking wet as you burn

All the while saying how proud they are

“Proud that I’m dying?”

“We went through it. You’ll be ok”

Forget this system of misinformation

 

 

 

Only One

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I hate how life feels like

A dog on a treadmill chasing after a steak

Pretending that we all know what we are doing

Judging others only on what we can see

Is it wrong of me to see everyone’s beauty?

Is it wrong of me to see the unnecessary?

I would much rather enjoy life

It must have been manufactured by a lunatic

It doesn’t have to be so hectic

What if you are the type of person that just wants to exist?

Why is that so wrong?

When you try so hard to get somewhere but you really didn’t get anything at all

Am I the only one?

Stolen Firsts

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“Oh, shit!” He said, with panic. I looked down at him worried “What’s wrong? What’s happening”

“There’s a lot of blood. I’ve never seen this much blood. Does it hurt?” “No, let me get up.” I get up staring at the bed that looks like a murder scene. I then feel a rush of blood and other wet things pour out between my legs. The floor is red, my clothes are red and he’s going to need to buy a new bed.

Two years earlier, coming out of the subway was when I first met him. I was wasted, tired and hungry. Climbing the never ending stairs while mentally counting how many blocks it was to my father’s house. A muscular man, 6’2” walking towards me, throws his cigarette and chugs the last of his coffee. He then says to me “Hey baby, did you have a goodnight?” I don’t know this man, I don’t know anyone here. I turn around to see if someone is behind me. Three am really is the hour that everyone stops existing. Noticing that I thought he was talking to someone else he grabs my chin and leans me against the bus stop. My first kiss was all teeth and saliva, from a stranger. I didn’t like it but I didn’t say no, so I guess that convinced him to ask the next question. “Want to come to my house? It’s just up the street from here.”

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >  > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

 

Should I continue? I’d love to see some comments

Edgar Allan

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She wanted to feel like a rabbit. Afraid that death would come. Right on her heels, she’s just begun. This time she’ll be done. Edgar Allan taught her fear and how eloquent death is. Always listen to the walls and your best friends grand confessions. Crows are great, statues narrate and death can look like a migrant. Cats are not friends. Ask all the questions. You may not always like the answer.

 

Ice Cream Truck

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When you hear the first chime

You know it’s time

To do all the things  you pine

 

The Ice Cream Truck!!

You’re in luck

The best way to spend a buck

 

That’s not what you want

Your agenda is to flaunt

Maybe a new lover to haunt

 

Enjoy the sights

Enjoy the nights

Do it with all your might

 

Look for the mime

Watch the ducks

Never forget to love with your heart

Don’t ever wait for your Knight

 

 

 

 

 

Almost Mother’s Day

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Almost a whole decade. I find it strange that I never thought to do something for you on this day. I think of you, I think of the things I made for you, had wanted to do for you, and with you. I wonder if I’m doing bad in your eyes, even though you had never thought so before. I still feel bad you know. That someone with such life, amazing dreams, and unconditional love had to leave. I’m nothing like that. There isn’t even anything I want anymore. I’m just living now, being forced to care about so much when I just can’t wait to go to sleep.  I can’t  even remember much of the past. All the bad conversations, you protecting me like a mother bear, the almost openess we shared. I do miss you, even though I tell myself I don’t. I am upset that we hardly have any pictures together, that I never really got to learn about you from you. I’ve heard many stories about you after your death, I wish I knew your version of it though. As I scrolled down my Facebook feed and saw old pictures of people with their mother’s, I can only remember us having three pics together. Sixteen years with the person that carried me and we only have three pictures together. You almost listened to me when I said to write a will, we almost got close, you almost fell in love again. I’m almost ready to become a person again. I love you.

I, Breathe

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Ask me if I am happy

I will answer

I never expected to be

 

For someone that looks so happy

There is no faith in humanity

No one is worthy of it

 

My favorite song in a murderous musical

It is basically how I feel about life most days

“We all deserve to die, even you Miss. Lovett, even I”

That song begins to play constantly in my head

I know that I’m going mad

It’s all I can think about

 

I start to question if bad things are really bad

If I am the only one that is drowning on malfeasance‎

Then comparison begins

 

I have not suffered

I have not tried hard enough

Why do I have the right to feel this way?

 

I probably don’t

Yet, here I am

Weak and unworthy

 

Still breathing . . .

Spring Showers

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I wrote it as a random FB status. Then I realized I liked. When I tried to save it forever FB tried to tell me it did not exist. Here it is, thanks to FB memories.

 

I smelt that scent again.

The scent I told you I loved so much.

The on set of rain in the air.

It only happens in the Spring you know, that scent.

The pictures that were taken of us wet as if from swimming with our clothes on.

Of you looking into the camera full of love as the ripplets of water slid down your face.

Spring smells will always remind me of you.

Every April, whenever it rains and that smell hits my nostrils

I will look for you and whisper “I miss you”