Tag: rant

Prayers

Sleep, work, break to eat, work, home, eat, and sleep again

Same thing different day

When you were a kid you were the only one who didn’t want to grow up

You were the only one that seemed to understand the truth

Nothing gets better, you can buy things to mask, but don’t get addicted

You prayed

Not having to make choices

Nothing no longer being unfair

No longer fearing letting them all down

You prayed

You understood that there was probably a plan

A plan that you didn’t know

A plan you should follow, it was neither right or wrong

You prayed to no longer be apart of that plan

You prayed for eternal sleep

Yet, here you are twelve years later with nothing on your feet

Your life in a cardboard box

People giving you looks

Pity, shame, hatred and

You pray no one else will fall to this

The Drowning Child

There once was a child born underwater. Her mother felt it safer and a better way to grow her. She lived her days watching her mother and all else walk over her. From where she stood neither way of living looked better. Her mother was sick and kept the extent of it from her, by the time she found out her worst nightmare was upon her. She knew there’d be people wanting to save her, but she wasn’t so sure if they really wanted to help her. The death of her mother made her pull herself further.  Under the deep blue filter the people looked smaller, were they just ghosts of what was offered?  She questioned if these realms were even for her. So many people arms outstretched above her, still, she just continued to swim down under. As she saw the helping ropes and good blessings she started to realize that she should have never even bothered. Every day is a horror that she cursed these poor people hoping to see the drowning child to touch and comfort. She never learned and didn’t want to, still, she felt bad for the people above her. She should try to live like they, she thought often. She was never able to get past horror. She’s still down under the water filling it with tears and salt hoping to choke her.

I, Breathe

Ask me if I am happy

I will answer

I never expected to be

 

For someone that looks so happy

There is no faith in humanity

No one is worthy of it

 

My favorite song in a murderous musical

It is basically how I feel about life most days

“We all deserve to die, even you Miss. Lovett, even I”

That song begins to play constantly in my head

I know that I’m going mad

It’s all I can think about

 

I start to question if bad things are really bad

If I am the only one that is drowning on malfeasance‎

Then comparison begins

 

I have not suffered

I have not tried hard enough

Why do I have the right to feel this way?

 

I probably don’t

Yet, here I am

Weak and unworthy

 

Still breathing . . .