Tag: poetry

I, Breathe

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Ask me if I am happy

I will answer

I never expected to be

 

For someone that looks so happy

There is no faith in humanity

No one is worthy of it

 

My favorite song in a murderous musical

It is basically how I feel about life most days

“We all deserve to die, even you Miss. Lovett, even I”

That song begins to play constantly in my head

I know that I’m going mad

It’s all I can think about

 

I start to question if bad things are really bad

If I am the only one that is drowning on malfeasance‎

Then comparison begins

 

I have not suffered

I have not tried hard enough

Why do I have the right to feel this way?

 

I probably don’t

Yet, here I am

Weak and unworthy

 

Still breathing . . .

Spring Showers

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I wrote it as a random FB status. Then I realized I liked. When I tried to save it forever FB tried to tell me it did not exist. Here it is, thanks to FB memories.

 

I smelt that scent again.

The scent I told you I loved so much.

The on set of rain in the air.

It only happens in the Spring you know, that scent.

The pictures that were taken of us wet as if from swimming with our clothes on.

Of you looking into the camera full of love as the ripplets of water slid down your face.

Spring smells will always remind me of you.

Every April, whenever it rains and that smell hits my nostrils

I will look for you and whisper “I miss you”

Empty Heart

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There’s nothing when I look at you

My heart doesn’t flutter or  skip a beat

You aren’t always on my mind

I don’t only think of you and me

Although, I wish I did

I wish my life was like the movies sometimes

That I can fall in love quickly

Skip through the rain just enjoying existence

That money wasn’t a thing

Danger was something to laugh at

All the great things of movies

Truth is all I have is fear

The inability to understand people

Getting too close means you’ll be lost

Emotions clouding your judgement

Jealousy of other importants

Feeling even more worthless

Worrying that you’re a nuisance

Which is why I run

Friends are the closest relationships

There is no love here

No magic land of fluttering hearts

No soulmate understanding thoughts

No one inside the empty heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Conversation

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My husband and I walked home from the movie theater

He wanted to talk about all the things we were going to do together

In the future

 

He wanted to talk about us and Thailand

He wanted to talk about the gay and lesbian clubs

Us becoming one

 

All the great adventures

And all I could do was stay silent

 

And she said

Are they things you want to do?

Are they the things you feel passionate about?

 

Asking all the right questions, I replied

 

They are things that I once thought of doing

They are things that I should want to do

My fear overcomes all adventure that life sometimes gives one

 

He thinks I negative because I have no goal

Dreamless, but I cannot be either of these

Neither negative or positive only always revolving

 

What do I want next?

What should be my next move?

How do I force myself to change in the way I need?

 

She answers

 

I think your next move should be figuring out what you want.

I wish all of us could take like six months to do something interesting

Nothing but daydream and explore and figure out our goals

 

But I don’t even understand how to try

Plus, how will I know if I found it?

 

It’s all so scary and hard . . . .

 

Swinging In The Dark

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It’s unsettling

The night calms yet brings dreams

Nightmares

She never did change

Was it for the people who wrote in her yearbook?

Was it for herself?

She sits in the dark staring at walls

She doesn’t know how to do this

There are no red marks on her arms

A sure sign she’s getting better

Nightmares

She pushed friends away and died

They won’t miss her anyway

She made sure of it

She’s too curious to leave them alone

Internet addiction

Social Media worship

Nightmares

Even when home she wants to be there

Home

Where is it?

She likes the feel of night

Never scared of walking alone in it

Darkness is different

She always runs away from it

Swings are perfection

The only thing that will truly make her happy

Swinging in the dark