My husband and I walked home from the movie theater

He wanted to talk about all the things we were going to do together

In the future

 

He wanted to talk about us and Thailand

He wanted to talk about the gay and lesbian clubs

Us becoming one

 

All the great adventures

And all I could do was stay silent

 

And she said

Are they things you want to do?

Are they the things you feel passionate about?

 

Asking all the right questions, I replied

 

They are things that I once thought of doing

They are things that I should want to do

My fear overcomes all adventure that life sometimes gives one

 

He thinks I negative because I have no goal

Dreamless, but I cannot be either of these

Neither negative or positive only always revolving

 

What do I want next?

What should be my next move?

How do I force myself to change in the way I need?

 

She answers

 

I think your next move should be figuring out what you want.

I wish all of us could take like six months to do something interesting

Nothing but daydream and explore and figure out our goals

 

But I don’t even understand how to try

Plus, how will I know if I found it?

 

It’s all so scary and hard . . . .