Tag: poetry

Mine

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I called her my wife

We only knew each other for two short weeks

I probably sensed it then

We were from the same cloth

 

It was rare to see me without her

Her without me

In her car, eating food, walking anywhere

I told everyone that she was mine

 

We never dated

We were just always together

All those lesbians eyeing her could go to hell

I claimed her

 

I lost her though

She told me the truth

I was the only one that had nothing going on

Crying on my bed she tells me of her ex-girlfriend

 

She gave no inkling

Nor any promises

It was just my selfishness

They broke up. This changes nothing

 

She lays on my bed

Hands above her head

An invisible rope around her wrists

She deserves a punishment for straying

 

I tell her that she’s mine. She can never get away.

 

 

 

 

 

Blue, Bird

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One son named Blue and a daughter named Birdy. I’ll tell my son every day that the world wants to see him cry and sing. He will roar and breathe fire letting the world to see his strength. I’ll tell my daughter that the song blackbird isn’t her life story. She will fly meeting many people to learn from. Absorb the confidence, patience, and strength of our ancestors. Learn more, strive for more and people will see your name and color in a different light. I will tell them this because I never grew my strength, I want for them to find and cultivate theirs. To show the world that wisdom and kindness go together and shouldn’t be considered a weakness. That we never really grow up but are able to slowly make the right decisions. That I love them, that they are mine, and I will always cheer for them. I won’t tell them that they are special, that’s something they need to find out themselves. My dear bluebirds I set you free in a dark and cold world; my light always pointing towards warmth and peace.

Nothing

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Nothing. Me, life, dreams, beauty.

Ears, mouth and sighs. Nothing.

No skills, no faith, no time, no feels.

Nothing, wanting more, fear.

Not happy, no one is. Nothing left. Only fear.

Nothing.  Fear. Life, death.  Difference? None. Last step.  Death.

Nothing. Me. Nothing. Death. Freedom.

 

Adulthood

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It kind of feels like you’re still five years old and you get thrown into a fire pit

No warning that there is such a thing that could hurt so much

No rules on how to get out of it

Just burning

While in this fire you will meet other people who are on fire

Their fire seems less hot and easier to deal with

You try to learn their ways only to have it backfire

You wonder why no one taught you any of this

What was all that education for?

What were parents, teachers, and professors for?

They stand there soaking wet as you burn

All the while saying how proud they are

“Proud that I’m dying?”

“We went through it. You’ll be ok”

Forget this system of misinformation

 

 

 

Only One

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I hate how life feels like

A dog on a treadmill chasing after a steak

Pretending that we all know what we are doing

Judging others only on what we can see

Is it wrong of me to see everyone’s beauty?

Is it wrong of me to see the unnecessary?

I would much rather enjoy life

It must have been manufactured by a lunatic

It doesn’t have to be so hectic

What if you are the type of person that just wants to exist?

Why is that so wrong?

When you try so hard to get somewhere but you really didn’t get anything at all

Am I the only one?

Ice Cream Truck

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When you hear the first chime

You know it’s time

To do all the things  you pine

 

The Ice Cream Truck!!

You’re in luck

The best way to spend a buck

 

That’s not what you want

Your agenda is to flaunt

Maybe a new lover to haunt

 

Enjoy the sights

Enjoy the nights

Do it with all your might

 

Look for the mime

Watch the ducks

Never forget to love with your heart

Don’t ever wait for your Knight

 

 

 

 

 

I, Breathe

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Ask me if I am happy

I will answer

I never expected to be

 

For someone that looks so happy

There is no faith in humanity

No one is worthy of it

 

My favorite song in a murderous musical

It is basically how I feel about life most days

“We all deserve to die, even you Miss. Lovett, even I”

That song begins to play constantly in my head

I know that I’m going mad

It’s all I can think about

 

I start to question if bad things are really bad

If I am the only one that is drowning on malfeasance‎

Then comparison begins

 

I have not suffered

I have not tried hard enough

Why do I have the right to feel this way?

 

I probably don’t

Yet, here I am

Weak and unworthy

 

Still breathing . . .

Spring Showers

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I wrote it as a random FB status. Then I realized I liked. When I tried to save it forever FB tried to tell me it did not exist. Here it is, thanks to FB memories.

 

I smelt that scent again.

The scent I told you I loved so much.

The on set of rain in the air.

It only happens in the Spring you know, that scent.

The pictures that were taken of us wet as if from swimming with our clothes on.

Of you looking into the camera full of love as the ripplets of water slid down your face.

Spring smells will always remind me of you.

Every April, whenever it rains and that smell hits my nostrils

I will look for you and whisper “I miss you”

Empty Heart

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There’s nothing when I look at you

My heart doesn’t flutter or  skip a beat

You aren’t always on my mind

I don’t only think of you and me

Although, I wish I did

I wish my life was like the movies sometimes

That I can fall in love quickly

Skip through the rain just enjoying existence

That money wasn’t a thing

Danger was something to laugh at

All the great things of movies

Truth is all I have is fear

The inability to understand people

Getting too close means you’ll be lost

Emotions clouding your judgement

Jealousy of other importants

Feeling even more worthless

Worrying that you’re a nuisance

Which is why I run

Friends are the closest relationships

There is no love here

No magic land of fluttering hearts

No soulmate understanding thoughts

No one inside the empty heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Conversation

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My husband and I walked home from the movie theater

He wanted to talk about all the things we were going to do together

In the future

 

He wanted to talk about us and Thailand

He wanted to talk about the gay and lesbian clubs

Us becoming one

 

All the great adventures

And all I could do was stay silent

 

And she said

Are they things you want to do?

Are they the things you feel passionate about?

 

Asking all the right questions, I replied

 

They are things that I once thought of doing

They are things that I should want to do

My fear overcomes all adventure that life sometimes gives one

 

He thinks I negative because I have no goal

Dreamless, but I cannot be either of these

Neither negative or positive only always revolving

 

What do I want next?

What should be my next move?

How do I force myself to change in the way I need?

 

She answers

 

I think your next move should be figuring out what you want.

I wish all of us could take like six months to do something interesting

Nothing but daydream and explore and figure out our goals

 

But I don’t even understand how to try

Plus, how will I know if I found it?

 

It’s all so scary and hard . . . .